=( i have low bone density..

Apparantly…Im suffering from calcium deficiency. Or that’s what the bone density test says.


Just got back from a free scan at some pharmacy near me house. I was bored ok? Followed dad to get some supplements then I saw the flyer…figured I should try. Wanna know why I kept breaking my bones or injuring myself mar…

Apparantly, its only ok for those above 21 to scan their bones…coz the machine is stupid that way. Hahaha

I have the bone density of a 40 year old male. Wtf?!?!?!?

A normal male in the 20s should have the density of 104, mine is like an man aged close to 40…or 40 which is 80. Wahhah...actually roughly 88 la. But hehe.


Think this is due to me not exercising at all…SwinGym here I come!!!

Now Im gonna hafta go do a high calcium diet. Bleh


hehehe

Every sesmester should start with a theme. the theme for this sem shall be project 3.0.
For all those that do not understand, project 3.0 is a project which i am planning and burning to go into.

3.0 is a symbolisme for my aims for this semester in my studies as well as extra curricular activities. the reason i chose this number is beacuse of this fact: for a 2nd class upper honors level, the cgpa has to be at least 3.3. that means that consistantly scoring minmum of 2 C and 2 D. However. as my aim is to infact raise my cgpa which is in shit mode, i shall be targetting a 3 C and 1 D/HD for my current semester's results.


I suppose i should i can say at this moment, I feel inspired. at least i have found some form of motivation. the motivating factor: most companies want good results. and if i even wanna think of joining the Big 4...i have a bloody long way to go. Evne smaller companies want better than best results.

this is what project 3.0 is about.

3 also symbolises the number of months i have arranged to ensure that i will change my life as it is. in 3 months...i plan to see a more studious me. a more serious me. *mebbe more crap on my blogs than in real life* and hopefully a more fitter if not leaner me.

3 months of no supper. ahh..the results better pay off.
the purpose of writing this is to remind myuself of the importance of this project.

owh well...now i'll have to start asking for loadsa help. if i dont go to the nut house. its all worth it.

a toast, to myself, for the success of this project.

-wei-

yay!! hols are over

weee!!!its the start of a new semester...im so happy to be back studying. owh wow...fantastic man. i can imagine seeing ew ppl..and prolly working wif otheres. its fun man...

bs. repeating another fuckign subject...mcb.
need to pia. the plan...effective monday. msn at 1030 pm onwards
rest of the time study or do something productive...like maybe write a story. or study. or revise. or make a sodding timetable tat i can stick to.

i need a 3 for my cgpa. not enuf as of now...fark it.

lalalala

this has been loadsa fun. weee!!!!!!!!

bleh..

4meme

Hen jus tagged me to do this. So bleh.


4 jobs I would stink at:

1. Statistician (correct spelling?) Did I mention it before…I don’t really like numbers…bleh
2. Musician: I cant even read music notes…And I don’t/can’t play any instruments
3. Law Enforcer: Waahahahahaha...you get my point.
4. physicatrist: I would love to be one. But I think me patients/client would be beaten to death if they bore me…
4 nicknames I’m making up for myself:

1. Wei
2. Wabbit
3. Cla
4. Clarey

4 movies I can watch over and over:

1. 50 First Dates
2. American History X
3. Fast and Furious Series
4. umm..pass?

If it were song I think should be easier for me to say tho…

4 alcoholic beverages I enjoy from time to time:

1. St Miguel
2. Some Japanese whisky…forgot the name
3. Tuak…
4. ummm…pass again?

Trying not to drink…bleh…bad for health you know. =P

4 fantastic destinations I would like to go to on vacation before I pass out:

1.Some random European country
2. China
3. South America
4. Some unnamed continent in which I can run away to.


4 things I love to do on weekends:

1. Chatting
2. Reading
3. Surfing the web
4. I’ll tell you when I’ve figured the fourth one out.

4 celebrities I would like to go on a big date with:


1. Alexis Bledel (don worry, you’re better than her k?)
2. Keira Knightley
3. Julia Stiles
4. Reese Witherspoon



4 objects I could not live without:

1. Computer
2. Handphone
3. Internet (that an object?)
4. Cars


Lets see…I did a survey on this and Im giving the same stupid answers

4 gadgets I do not have, which I would like to have:

1. iPod Nano
2. A new Laptop
3. Sony Ericsson K800
4. Plasma TV

4 “poor souls” tagged:

1. Linda
2. Cassie
3. Boinks
4. who ever reads my blog


Muahahaha!!! Now write people…write…

Im tired. And grouchy. Havent been able to sleep since yesterday. Bad timing. It keeps replaying and my imagination keeps it to that point. Im tired. I need rest. I dont want to know anymore. I dont even feel like caring. Maybe I should give up. Wasnt so tough when i planned it. the process was bad. When I try to sleep, I keep thinking...why??? No answers.

I dont really want to care any moire. Ill leave it as it is. Im really confused right now with what i intend to do about it. Ill let time take its place.


to someone who played a rather significant role in the past.

you know what. This is exactly why i never could find someone better or like you. I am indecisive. You were exactly what I wanted. But I never saw it that way. I thought it was something else. Its been years. You've got your new friends, I have mine. I took a while to walk off everything. I wouldnt have learnt if it wasnt coz of you. I thank you for everything. Even though you wont ever see this. You were right all along. You prpbably would never know what i felt that time. you should probably not also. I dont want you to see me that way. I missed you so fucking much then. IT wasnt easy being in the same fucking class, sitting a few tables away. Maybe you felt that way too. I dont know.

This seriously feels like an old scar being ripped open and left to bleed. I dont know if you even know this. I never explained. There is no point revisiting the past. Live for today. you was always the one I based all on. Now Im going back into depression mode whenever I think of you again. I dont see why I had to do what I did.

Rather fuked up...

Now you know wy I dont want to meet you when you get back or even call you when you;re there. Friends sure. But I dont know if i actually ever moved on at all.



To someone else who may be reading this blog


You may never understand. I 've been trying to make you see all this while. And when someone else comes into the picture...I feel stupid. What is it that makes you tick? Im still trying to figure you out. I bet you knew it all along. I dont know any more. All I know is that I want you.

Right…exams over…I’m not exactly in a holiday mood. Need to drown out all my thoughts…Alcohol session anyone? I’ve got 2 bottles of sugarcane tuak and I’ll share one with you (if you end up getting so high and humping a lamp post I will not be held responsible)…


Was tagged a while back…think last month…too lazy to write this out and was kinda trying to rush me studies. So bleh.

Im supposed to come up with 8 different point about my perfect lover. Hmmm…

OK…the first one...

Gender : I’m into girls…still…sorry guys…

The different points ar…unh…physical or personal ? Nm la…later you all call me horny and perverted.

1. She has to be…around my height.
2. Someone I can talk to without and look at getting bored.
3. Doesn’t smoke drinking is fine…smoking is annoying.
4. She definatly has to accept me for being me.
5. She has to be able to communicate with ME, my friends and family (that’s a bit further down the road)
6. She should be able to cook la…I mean…seriously…Its not that hard to make maggi mee with meat balls and an egg ok?
7. She should be caring, to everyone…but me more important la…all about me what. (if this really happens its gonna be I love her…she loves me and I love me)
8. Sporting and supportive.

Actually can list a lot more le…but Im a bit lazy right now…

Bleh…I tag…Whoever is reading this. Muahahaha!

searching for the true wei

Dear God,


I know its been a while since i've actually sat down and actually thought about you.
I also know that its been a while since I've actually been rational. I know I havent been repenting, and I havent even bothered to think about anything.


Its a trend isnt it? Everytime I feel depressed or get involved in things I cannot control or when I get near to my examinations, I turn to You? Then when everythign is over...I'm back to where I was.

I dont know if that dream I had was a message from you. I've stopped dreaming..or maybe I just cant remember any dreams, You should know, after all you do know everything, even this letter I'm typing.

I dont know what snapped. Maybe it was the pressure of following you ways, maybe I just couldnt turn my back against the wishes of my family, maybe I'm just plain indecisive. Ahh...being indecisive, that is another matter we should look at wouldnt we?

I dont know what is real anymore.

I'm sure that dream was a message, a wake up call of sorts. I just wanted to say that it still bothers me when I think of it.


I'll get back to you soon. I need some time to actually complete my revision.

And oh, can I ask of you to help me in rediscovering myself? and also in everythign else?

For now, like usual the only thing I want to ask if for peace of mind. A calm breeze that cools me, a hunger to learn, the will to succeed, and teh raw confidence that I need to score for this exams. I know...its late...I started really late.

Thank You.
-wei-

untitled

writing for oneself is teh best thing to do. allows one to analyse thier own private thoughts. questions oneself in ways others dare not or never considered.


i write for my own entertainment.
what i think is funny may not appeal to others. what i do may be offensive to some.

i am bored.

exams soon.
im not so screwed for now...i finally understand how to do mdm...job order/process costing...i feel so proud...PROUD!!! hey...i did it slowly...guess i shud b passing tat sub. fis...not too sure..i knwo my problems are in depreciation...and the bank reconciliation...mainly...and unh...the shares thingy...i have not much idea...never paid much attention in class...law...pretty much screwed still...never written one single essay...cept for the ones in the test...hope i wont screw this round.


bleh

this is getting worse...it was just a mild pain a few months back...now the pain is more intense...i cannot stand up for long periods...i cannot sit for too long...and i cannot sleep on my side...which doesnt really matter..coz i sleep on my tummy...hehe...but when i wake...i can start feeling the pain...


Its either that i fell on my back...or i was hit in some fight before...cant remember why. i think is more like i twisted my back. every year its the same...i think i better go get this problem checked.

argh...think ill go for a nice body massage and tell the massuese(that how its spelt?) to help me out...bleh..dono any chiropractors and i dont want to be put in a brace and have to constantly go hospital for treatment...


fark...im not even 21 and im already feeling this. some how it makes me not so optimistic about my own future health


owh...i read an article...sed something bout stretching it...rock climbing...Kuching got rocks meh?

bleh...prolly will have to put on hold the kayaking expeditions till i get my back fixed...

Been listenign to robbie williams alot. theres this one song...cat remember which...i think its advertising space. one of the lyrics...im not afraid of dying, i just dont want.


for some reasons it reminds me of some stuff that happed a while back. bleh...unhappy memories. was thinking of it again lately...what would happen if i were to die? what have i done? what impact and influence have i made on the lives of others? what would they say about me? what would be the memories of me that they would treasure most?

would they remember me even if ive been gone for a while? would they even bother still?

i figure theres like a few thing those taht know me would remember...my whacked ideas, the disturbing glimpses to my darker more temperamental side, and the lollipop boy.


no...im not suicidal....just thinking...i mean...we wont know what would happen next. we cannot predict the future...we cannot live for yesterday...and we cannot live for today....we need to live for tomorrow. if you dont get me...its like this...what you do today would influence what would happen to you tomorrow. i cant really explain it...but its like one of the newton laws...for every action there is an equal reaction...its like yin and yang.


no restart buttons in life. mite as well apologize and appreciate those around me while im still living...


so here....

i apologize for what ive said, what ive done to hurt you all. i understand that its prolly too late to undo somethings that i should have never done.

tis is one to someone. i dont know if you read this blog..but screw it...i apologized...a sorry like you said means nothing anymore

i cant take back those words. its not like i still can have you here with me. theres nothing left in between us...we are only acquaintances now.


bleh. screw it...over for so long. was fun while it all lasted.

so heres one for my friends and to those who know me.


its been a great ride. its been a blast knowing all you peeps...i cant tell you how much i appreciate you guys.thanks for everything..even if you didnt give me anythign...wahaha...*grin*

to my family...thanks for all teh support and everything, even though ive been abrat you put up with it and i appreciate you all for it.


and no...this is not a suicide note ok?

i still got a good 60 years (80 is kinda old liaw hor??)

numbers...numbers...numbers...

there is no name. only numbers. everything around us is governed by it. numbers, that is. disagree that we are nothing but numbers? look at you identity cards, or drivers licnese or any form of identification document you can lay your hands on. see those numbers there? there. proof.

lets look at this in another way. a table needs 4 legs to stand stable. or 3 legs for tat matter...but the issue of stability is another. see...number. physics is all bout the numbers, even the words you read on your screen are formed from numbers.

our brain makes millions of calculations whenever we do anything..even typing this requires my brain to do massive calculations...which i cannot conciously feel.

numbers make or break us. we have people killing themselves because they recieved low marks for their test or wad ever. we have people becoming ceos or wad not because of numbers...meaning sales or some random decision. everything is a number. even chance is a number.

we are nothing but numbers. there is a God. he created us within a set number of days. see...numbers again. i have no idea wad numerology is but...bleh screw tat. we are all numbers.


everythign you and i do are related to numbers. what you eat today is a number...why? because of the monetary value attached to it. the emotional value is a whole different game.
so we hate math. but we still cannot run from numbers. even doing subject where u expect there not to be any numbers...there still are numbers. like lets say...marketing...theres many numbers in it. selling pirated goods? also numbers...taking chances. we all are numbers, living in a numbered world, with no other number alike us. there are no two individuals who are alike you say. i tell you thats a lie. see...two is a number. so therefore proving my point again. we are numbers. there is no such thing as individuality. we all confrom to numbers. the rule of the numbers. numbers rule us. they rule our lives. we live a proven and constantly modified formula. the formula has again, numbers.

numbers numbers numbers. its all about the numbers. nothign else matters. even ozygwn has a number. hydrogen has a number, uranuium has a number. everything is a number. we are all numbers

we cannot run from it. we are all numbers.



this is what happens if you do an accounting assignment at the last minute...

of handphones and add-ons

phone: SE K750i

phone price as when i bought it.
1200 ( that was like unh...3-4 months back)

current additions to the mobile as of now.
160(memory)+6(crystal casing)+16.50(screen protector)
=182.50


the firmware upgrade would prolly b done next week. and the housing...im still dwelling on it. and oh...theres the adapter for the earphones also.

30(firmware upgrade)+80(new housing-silver)+ 20(adapter)
=130

the housing and adapter prices were taken off lelong. not sure if its the confirmed price. the firmware upgrade i can do it myself...but i dont feel too confident...mite as well spend the 30...besides its still warrantied.


shit...

if i total the add-ons to the phone it comes up to roughly 312.50

for that i can proly get another phone.

hias...damn...still might add some more stuff. so much for buying a k750. the k800 shud b out soon... prolly wait another year....but by then i cant use my memory stick liaw...its a totally diff one. not the same...so ive heard. screw it. ill stick to this phone till 3G really beomes important or when i finish my studies. Thas like...in....i hope....2 years? (1 sem and one year...add another sem...so i think tats 2 rite?)

i may forgive you but i will not forget it.

...

dont you hate it when you get blamed for no reason? have your name suddenly called out when you did nothing? been ignored when you try to make a suggestion? get left out?

not a very good day today...


suddenly im beginning to rethink all me so called friendship with alot of people.

i know i know...this is not supposed to be a personal blog, its meant to be anything but personal.

but today is different. im feeling fucking sick of all them. fuck it. i think i should no longer speak to any of them after im done with this semester. yea..fall out. tats a great idea. dont bother to mix with them. their loss.

first thing...they do it again. leave without me...im waiting for tehm and they leave without waiting for me...expect me to call them..wtf? fine..nm....i can go with others...

next...i meet up at school..and for no reason talk crap about me? who the fuck do you think you are? im calm...ill ignore you. in fact i dont intend to let this go. i have a tendency...no...its actually a bad habit...(cue michael tolcher - bad habits)

ill remember this.

then going to class...i go in later...still early...but i seek a hiden spot. where i can see the lec but not them. the tat fucker calls out my name for no bloody reason...asking where am i...seriously...you saw me walking to the back. why the fuck as so much? dumb ass! then...lecture goes on. im sitting at the back quietly trying to absorb. the people around me are getting noisier...so the lecturer turns around and hints to them to quieten down. then again that fucker calls my name. i mean seriously, im the quiet one...they are the ones talking and not paying attention them selves and accuse me. nm...ill brew over it.

break time. one of those asses comes and ask me if im pissed, i decide to ignore and fake a nap...i see the rest walking to the lec...ive no sodding idea why. and i couldnt be bothered. afterall...they didnt tell me anything in the first place.

mic asks to interview me...it goes past break...im sitting there still continuing the interview...and i also wanna look at her..not mic...the other one...heheh

fine lo...interview continues to class end...but class ends earlier. they call me..but i ignore...i mean..seriously..walk to me and tell me...personally...

dont expect me to be superman and know you want to talk to me. and you go off to someplace and dont inform me of wad you want to discuss. knn

fine...so i temporarily halt the interview and go down to serach..figured they'll b in the lobby...yea..i have no sodding idea what they are talking about. so bleh.

then they say they wanna go do wad shit. donno...i say i gtg at 330. then i say continue at lib so i can finish my interview. fine lo..let them enjoy waiting while i finish it off.

bleh..ive had enough...im losing it...

fuck them all...

ill do this one job then ill leave the building.

A figment of your hyperactive imagination.

A figment of your hyperactive imagination.

That’s exactly what I am today.
What a perfectly strange thing to say
I have begun to doubt it all.
Everything is all but rational.

A guest in your mind
An illusive figure to find
An ideal in a cynical world


I cant write a poem. The above is proof. I have an inability to rhyme. Doesn’t matter does it.

I am Wei. I am the one. I am the Chosen One. I am the perfect personifaction of the idealistic mindset that you have. I am the Twisted One. I am the Quiet One. I am everything. For I am the greatest creation of your imagination. I am the visual and physical proof of your ideals, belief and general line of thought.

I am all but a figment of your imagination. I can be everything you want me to be. I can be your knight in shining armour. I am the one to sweep you off your feet. I can be your tag team partner. I can help you bash your worst nightmares to pulp. I can do everyting you can imagine me to do. I can do anything that you can imagine. For I am after all a figment of your imagination.

I do not exist in reality. In fact, you cannot differentiate actual reality from your own. You seek to replace the hurt and the anger in the world with your love and care. You refuse to believe that there is nothing that you can undo. You are unable to find the rational self you try so hard to be.

I am all but a figment of your hyperactive imagination. You seek the truth and yet you hold yourself back. You desire to show to the world yourself, but you trip on your own laces. You pretend to be someone who you aren’t because you feel as though you cannot be who you really are.

of dragging 3 speed automatics

YEa...

Part one of possibly a three part tribute to my reckless and crappy driving skills 3 years back

This is mostly bout my adventures and misadventures driving the blue wira.

the trusty old blue proton wira...(you can start making jokes bout the colour and the car...)

I'm nuts...i havent done this in ages.

Well the car's still in the workshop...sod it...still a three speeder...why not let me have the bloody 4 speeder tranny...at least i can actually think about hitting 120 without hitting the bloody red line.

ok...sure you're wondering what the hell can i do with a 3 speed auto tranny...NOTHING!!!

first gear is round wad...25kmh ? didnt red line it...sodding first gear...wad can u expect me to do with it? "cheng lin"???


second...unh...think the furthest was round 80kmh...at close to 4.5k rpm. hen u remember o not wad was the tacometer reading?

third and final gear..done on the jalan song straight...was 115kmh...reaching 5k rpm...was reaching the sodding traffic light and the car was shaking already...wad to do..light wad..

i remember one time when i revved...literally revved to the red line (5k rpm) coming out of a junction...blame it on being not used to it...and my heavy foot.

drifting

yes...ladies and gentlemen...you can drift a front wheel drive proton wira with an automatic tranny...

actually more like weight shifting.

did a stupid thing bout a year ago...almost killed meself and totalled the car. luckily...there was no other cars on the road tat day.

theres this turn near a proton showroom (the one near Mr Wong's tuition)

i was speeding on a slick road...and slammed the brakes while about to turn....the front wheel spun out...and the rear was thrown. i have no stabilisers on my car...and the wheels were balding..so yea.

i managed to keep the car on the inside of the curve...nearly missing the curb...dont ask why i do such stupid things...its a once in a blue moon thing...and i think i was a bit high...listening and thumping to the beat of Daddy Yankee's Gasolina.


i cant think of any other incidents which have involved this car at the moment...ill slowly write up more...bleh. heheh

anyone out there?!?!?!

oh wow...

this is kinda a late post...heard some stupid ad on the radio ages ago...was so damn annoying i just had to mock it.


girl: my mummy says milk is good for your bones
boy: bread has milk
girl: dont be silly..bread doesnt have milk
boy: yes it does *squeezes bread...a moo is heard*
girl:hehehe *squeezes bread*

something lidat...no...lets not be stupid here...i remember thinking to myself, doesnt white bread already have pepejal susu...milk solids or wadever...donnola..(read the ramuan list on teh wrapper/plastic of the bread)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
im beginning to wonder who actually reads this blog. or is it me only.

somehow i feel like the reason im writing is merely to amuse myself and not others. therefore im not ever bothering to do anything about this blog but write nonsense.

bleh.

im running dry. where is the inspiration when you need it?

i seem to find mine in the oddest of things. dont ask why. its just that way.

3 layered Ice Lemon Tea

We've all heard the fuss and tasted the famous 3 layered Teh C Peng...which eventually gave birth to teh 5 layer teh c peng...then to the seven layer...ad then to Only-God-Knows-How-Many-Layer Teh C peng.


As part of the effort tostart making the multi layered tea based drinks poplar i intoduce to you all the 3 layer ice lemon tea.

(photos to come later)



layer 1. ice
layer 2. tea...the thicker the better...remeber...its not the length of time u take to brew the tea but the amount of leaves you add.
layer 3. sugar syrup...u can try usng gula melaka too...

muahahah!
and oh the lemon!


heres the recipe...

1.blend the ice in a blender/food processor...(6 cubes of ice per person) with lemon juice of half a lemon and some zest and some lime juice.

2.put hot water (almost boiling, meaning...the first wisp of steam)into a mug. put two mayang tea tea bags inside.

3.slice them lemons

4. wait for teh tea to brew...roughl 5 minutes...gotta be dark.

5. take tea bags out and pour tea into 2 saperate glasses

6. put lemon slices into tea. and the sugar syrup. How sweet you want t...its your call...normally one tablepoon of the sugar syrup is sufficent for me.

7. scoop the ice and place it on the tea.

theres your 3 layer ice lemon tea...




ps...if you were expecting a seriously 3 layered ILT...i think you're drunk...muahhaha

Random drink orders at kopitiams

at a coffeeshop

ok...two incidents that have happened. Ke-blur-an in action: Its either me or the person taking my order...

1.
waitress:minum apa?
wei: ice lemon tea biasa.
waitress: apa?!?!?
wei: ice lemon tea la...tak mahu its 3 layer spesial punya.
waitress: teh c peng ka?
wei: ice lemon tea la!
waitress: oh...

*walks away*

i only realised the minstake after she left. was too engrossed looking at the 3 layer teh c peng banner.


2.

waitress: minum apa?
wei: hot lemon tea
waitress: hunh? apa?
wei: teh limau panas *start looking at what the waitress is writing* *reads the words air limau*
wei: teh limau panas...*to reconfirm*
waitress: ok

wei: *mentions that the order written on the paper is wrong, hopes the waitress didnt misintepret*

*waiting fro drinks to arrive*

waitress: *puts drinks on table*
wei: wtf?*not tat loudly la* apa ini?
waitress: air limau panas
wei: -_-||| *thinks to self...knn..lucky today i sore throat or else I'm so gonna verbally abuse you*
wei: tadi saya panggil the limau panas...clears throat...ahhh...tak apa la!
waitress: *no comment*


bleh. lesson of the day: when ordering drinks in kopitiams, use malay, and if you want hot lemon tea, say teh lemon panas!

Teddy Geiger - For you I will (Confidence)

to someone.
dont ask why...i barely know you. shit...im damn distracted. if only i could say all this


Artist: Teddy Geiger
Title: For You I Will (Confidence)

I'm wandering the streets in a world underneath it all
Nothing seems to be
Nothing tastes as sweet as what I can't have
Like you and the way that you're twisting your hair round your finger
Tonight I'm not afraid to tell you
What I feel about you

I'M GONNA MUSTER EVERY OUNCE OF CONFIDENCE I HAVE
AND CANNONBALL INTO THE WATER
I'M GONNA MUSTER EVERY OUNCE OF CONFIDENCE I HAVE
FOR YOU I WILL FOR YOU I WILL

Forgive me if I st-stutter
From all the clutter in my head
Cause I could fall asleep in those eyes
Like a water bed
Do I seem familiar
I crossed you in hallways a thousand times
No more camouflage
I want to be exposed
And not be afraid to fall

I'M GONNA MUSTER EVERY OUNCE OF CONFIDENCE I HAVE
AND CANNONBALL INTO THE WATER


I'M GONNA MUSTER EVERY OUNCE OF CONFIDENCE I HAVE
FOR YOU I WILL
ALWAYS WANT WHAT YOU CAN'T HAVE
BUT I GOT TO TRY
I'M GONNA MUSTER EVERY OUNCE OF CONFIDENCE I HAVE
FOR YOU I WILL, FOR YOU I WILL, FOR YOU I WILL

If I could dim the lights in the mall
And create a mood, I would
And shout out your name so it echoes in every room
I would

That's what I'd do
That's what I'd do
To get through to you

I'M GONNA MUSTER EVERY OUNCE OF CONFIDENCE I HAVE
AND CANNONBALL INTO THE WATER
I'M GONNA MUSTER EVERY OUNCE OF CONFIDENCE I HAVE
FOR YOU I WILL
ALWAYS WANT WHAT YOU CAN'T HAVE
BUT I GOT TO TRY
I'M GONNA MUSTER EVERY OUNCE OF CONFIDENCE I HAVE
FOR YOU I WILL, FOR YOU I WILL, FOR YOU I WILL



hias...damn it, why does everything have to be so damn hard?!?!?!?!


Why cant i say it? why do i have to not noe you well enough? why do you have to be so close to being the perfect one ? why?

I am

i am wei
i am wei ping
i am wp
i am clarence
i am cla
i am cla-r
i am klerns
i am hwui
i am ah hwi
i am oh so many people but the same.

i feel so blur. so cold.

no longer shall i try to feel the warmth of her hand.
no longer shall i seek to find the face of an angel
no longer shall i have to try so hard to find another
no longer shall i make myself look like different
no longer shall i scream out loud just to make myself heard
no longer shall i need to try so hard to make thigns work

for when it all ends...its the effort i put in it. even if all fails, its the enregy the heart the experience from it. its not so bad when you think of it.



all i can say is that nothing is always the way it seems

i may have met you today. found what i was looking for and yet not wanting to admit it.

i have not been able to scr3eam and shout all my thoughts...all my emotions...all the conflict within.

i do not see the point of it all..
its not that i havent tried or that i dont want to try.

i just havent decided on both. in fact i dont even want to think of it...

i dont want it to be a permanant thing. i cannot see myself commited into doing all that. yes i am afraid of commitment. I AM AFRAID. see...i said it. theres nothing left to fear.

maybe im not a risk taker by nature. but i want to take this risk so bad. ive take a few before. hell..i even paid for it.