Im tired. And grouchy. Havent been able to sleep since yesterday. Bad timing. It keeps replaying and my imagination keeps it to that point. Im tired. I need rest. I dont want to know anymore. I dont even feel like caring. Maybe I should give up. Wasnt so tough when i planned it. the process was bad. When I try to sleep, I keep thinking...why??? No answers.

I dont really want to care any moire. Ill leave it as it is. Im really confused right now with what i intend to do about it. Ill let time take its place.


to someone who played a rather significant role in the past.

you know what. This is exactly why i never could find someone better or like you. I am indecisive. You were exactly what I wanted. But I never saw it that way. I thought it was something else. Its been years. You've got your new friends, I have mine. I took a while to walk off everything. I wouldnt have learnt if it wasnt coz of you. I thank you for everything. Even though you wont ever see this. You were right all along. You prpbably would never know what i felt that time. you should probably not also. I dont want you to see me that way. I missed you so fucking much then. IT wasnt easy being in the same fucking class, sitting a few tables away. Maybe you felt that way too. I dont know.

This seriously feels like an old scar being ripped open and left to bleed. I dont know if you even know this. I never explained. There is no point revisiting the past. Live for today. you was always the one I based all on. Now Im going back into depression mode whenever I think of you again. I dont see why I had to do what I did.

Rather fuked up...

Now you know wy I dont want to meet you when you get back or even call you when you;re there. Friends sure. But I dont know if i actually ever moved on at all.



To someone else who may be reading this blog


You may never understand. I 've been trying to make you see all this while. And when someone else comes into the picture...I feel stupid. What is it that makes you tick? Im still trying to figure you out. I bet you knew it all along. I dont know any more. All I know is that I want you.